October first will mark my one year anniversary of living on my own, with out my mother. To say the least, when it comes to what ive learnt, it doesnt feel like its been a year at all, not even half of that. I still feel like im stuck somewhere, like im not learning something i should know. Keeping on top of the cleaning in this tiny little apartment is a battle among battles. I understand that its supposed to be hard, it wont be easy breasy, but DAMN. Right now im juggling a job im unhappy with and trying to keep sane, cleaning just doesnt fit in yet. I feel like im not strong enough, like i should be better and it eats away at me constantly. Im embarrassed to have people over because my sink is full of dishes and theres clothing thrown everywhere. I wish i could naturally be one of the tidy people who thinks about rinsing their plates when they're done and throwing their clothes in a basket. Psh, who am i kidding, i have so many clothes, the basket would over flow anyways.. I guess im just hoping i can get the strength some day to be able to go to work, come home, clean my butt off, make supper and still have time for myself. Doesnt seem possible, but maybe in a few more years.. miss having you around every day mom.
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